Thursday, November 1, 2012

November 1, 2012- Long awaited update

I can't believe that it's been 6 weeks since I last updated this blog.  There are so many days that I go to my computer to write a little something, but I end up distracted and I forget.  Can you imagine a new mom, a full time nurse and wife to be distracted?  I'm sure I'm the first one!  Ha ha!

During the last 6 weeks, Will has been diagnosed with reflux and we are finally settled with it now that we are on Prevacid.  It's an expensive medication, but, for Will, it works so much better than Zantac.  The last time Will was at the doctor, he weighed about 10lbs 6oz, so I'm sure he is 11lbs now.  He is changing everyday.  He seems to learn a new trick all the time.  For example, this morning, he woke up with a huge smile on this face, like he does every morning, and then he decided to carry on a full babbling conversation.  This is new.  He was talking up a storm while he was sitting on Brandon's lap.  It was almost as if he was telling us all about his dreams last night.  He's so funny.  Other than his huge and never ending smile, my favorite trick is when he sleeps for 8 hours a night.  This is new as of about a week.  He eats around midnight or one, and then he sleeps until 8 or 8:30.  I couldn't ask for more!  He seems hungrier during the day, eating about 3.5 ounces every 2-3 hours, but he's sleeping at night.  I can take more frequent feedings during the day.  Not too shabby!  Stay tuned for more Will updates because I think he might roll over sometime soon!  He's throwing his legs to the side all the time on his play mat.  I can't wait!

I get asked a lot about how Brandon and I are coping since we've been home from the NICU.  At first, I thought that was a silly question.  How are we doing?  We're great!  We have our healthy baby at home and we have truly been so lucky throughout our entire journey.  That should be the complete answer, right?  The more I think about it, the more I think that being home has been harder on us than on Will.  Brandon is great.  He is such a rock for us and is such a good dad.  I think he is amazed at all the things I worry about and when I tell him, he's right in saying that Will is fine and that we are doing just fine, but I still worry.

For me, being at home has been absolutely wonderful, but it is also stressful.  I am so grateful that we came home as quickly as we did and without complications, but I worry all the time.  I worry that he is too hot, too cold, not eating enough, not growing fast enough, not sleeping enough, not napping, his reflux, the chance at getting RSV and ending back up in the hospital, etc.  I mean seriously, it's ridiculous!  I have a very healthy baby and I should enjoy every second of every day, and I do for the most part, but I also worry a ton!  I feel guilty for my worrying, I feel guilty that my milk has dried up and I feel guilty that I work as much as  I do.  One thing I have to realize that I don't work as much as some mothers have to, but I still feel bad.  One thing that relieves my worry is my phenomenal husband.  We are so lucky that Will doesn't have to go to daycare right now.  I think once he's older, he will go to daycare, but for right now, we are lucky that our little preemie can stay home with me, my husband, and the dogs.

Although, I worry a lot about Will and what might happen, I wouldn't trade the hand that we were dealt for anything in the world.  I think our experience has made me a better person and I hope, a better mom.  Even though, I worry all the time, I feel like I appreciate all the little things.  It was hard getting up in the middle of the night for Will's feedings, but I was happy to do it, and have that time alone with him.  I am happy for poopy diapers, especially because they don't happy everyday, so I am happy when they come.  But most of all, I am happy that I have this amazing baby!  I am so blessed and so lucky that I have this little miracle and all we've been through is worth his sweet toothless grin.  He makes me smile and see the world through a new set of eyes.  How wonderful is that!?!  How wonderful is it that I get a new chance to look at life through my son's eyes and that I get to live life all over again with my son?!?

I know that the worrying won't go away, but at some point, I hope it will subside.  At least I can say that my worrying doesn't interfere, too much, with my parenting and enjoying my son's progress. 

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