Will is almost 13 weeks and he is one month adjusted today! I can't believe how big Will is getting! He is 7lbs 11oz and 19 11/16in and off all his meds except his vitamin! He is starting to really focus on me and on Brandon. He looks right at our faces and sometimes he will smile at us. It is truly the best feeling to see him smile. Will is also really really active! He loves to kick his legs and move his arms. He lays on his play mat and his blanket and just kicks up a storm. He loves to move. This should not come as a surprise to me since he was so active in my belly! I love watching all of Will's changes. He is such an amazing baby and I am so in love with him that there aren't words to describe it. I look down at my sweet baby and I still can't believe that I am his mom!
I've been back to work for two weeks now which is one reason I haven't been as good about updating the blog. The first week was hard, but leaving him with my awesome husband made it easier. Brandon knows how to feed Will, how to give him his meds (although he is off all but the vitamin) and he even gets him dressed everyday I am gone. I try and work my 12 hour days on Sunday day and Thursday night. My other days are half days and I work around Brandon's schedule. As my days away how added up, I am starting to have the mom guilt associated with a working mom. Although, I know that Will is well cared for, it's not me doing the work and I feel completely guilty for being gone. At first I thought it would be easier to leave because I was used to leaving him since he was in the NICU, but it is really really hard to be away. As I said, I feel so guilty that I have to work. I feel like Will won't remember be when I am gone for 12 hours and that he will only be comforted by Brandon and not by me. I know that I have a lot of guilt because I had him early and now my working mom guilt is piling on. Brandon keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault that Will came early and that Will is doing okay while I'm gone. But still, the mommy guilt is there. Hopefully, one day I can move past the guilt, but I think it will be a while.
On a happier note, Will has enjoyed his first college football weekend. Brandon has requested that Will have one favorite college team and one favorite NFL team. I am from Tennessee so Will is a Tennessee fan and Brandon is a HUGE Buffalo Bills fan and he would like Will to be a Bills fan for the NFL. As you can imagine, I am agreeable to the the Tennessee part of the deal, but I am having a hard time letting Will be a Bills fan and not a Redskins fan ( I was actually born in Maryland and have been a Redskins fan since birth). I guess marriage is all about compromise, and I will compromise on this, but maybe just maybe Will will end up in a Redskins shirt sometime this season!
